The 10 Best French Expressions to say “Having Sex”
Today, in French lessons with Mr. Nicolas:
Hello students! I'm Mr. Nicolas and I'm going to be your new French teacher!
For your first lesson, we are going to learn something that could actually be useful to you if you visit France!
I don’t really know why but there are many more cool and funny expressions to say “having sex” in French than in English, probably because it’s one of their favorite hobbies beside striking, rioting and drinking wine. So today, for this French lesson, you’re going to learn some expressions they probably forgot to teach you when you were in high school. Don’t hesitate to use those expressions when you visit this beautiful country!
For convenience, here those expressions are written like some random guy is talking to his friends and telling his intentions about a girl, but you can adapt them to any gender and sexual orientation no problem. It's 2019 and a modern and inclusive class!
Let us begin the lesson:
French: Je vais la tartiner
English : I’m gonna spread her on my toast
"Tartiner" is a specific French verb meaning "spread on a toast". Repeat after me "Tar-ti-ner"
French: Je vais la soulever / la monter en l’air
English: I’m gonna lift her up / lift her in the air
What is the gentleman on the picture doing? Yes, he is ready to lift up something heavy! "Sou-le-ver" in French!
French: Je vais la plier en 4 / en faire un origami
English: I’m gonna fold her in 4 / turn her into an origami
Here you can see Akira Yoshizawa, grandmaster of Origami and the inspiration for this expression! Note his name, it could be in the next test!
French: Je vais la faire grimper au rideau
English: I’m gonna make her climb the curtains
Always make sure the curtains (rideaux) are solid enough before climbing (grimper) them! Remember that when you visit France!
French: Je vais la démonter / la démolir
English: I’m gonna dismantle her / disassemble her
This one can also be used to say beat up someone. Make sure you're in the right context if someones says they're going to dismantle (démonter) you!
French : Je vais la faire monter au 7ème ciel
English: I’m gonna make her climb to the 7th heaven
I have no idea what this show is but I hope with all my heart it hasn't been shot in France
French: Je vais lui faire un hella
English: I’m gonna make a mess to her
Hella is an arabic word meaning "mess" (or "désordre" in French). In this picture, this dog just made a complete hella in the bathroom!
French: Elle va passer à la casserole
English: She's gonna end up in the cooking pot
A lot of French expressions are related to cooking, because of the importance of gastronomy in French culture!
French: Je vais lui casser les pattes arrière
English: I’m gonna break her rear legs
You probably noticed that in this case, the adjective (arrière) is not plural while the noun (pattes) is! Writing them both plural is a mistake a lot of French people commonly do!
French: Je vais la fourrer comme une dinde
English: I’m gonna stuff her like a turkey
French people also like to eat turkey for special occasions. While they are not as big as in the US, they still need to be stuffed!
That's all for today! Thank you all for your attention, you have learned a lot today! Remember pratice makes perfect so I want you to find some French people and try those expressions on them! They're probably going to like you more after you show you're interested in their culture!
Please share this lesson if you learned something and don't hesitate to tell me your favourite expressions!